Category Archives: pregnancy

3 months and faith.

Our sweet Julian is three months old today. I love this stage so much. Yes, newborns are precious (cuddles!), but for me there is nothing better than those open mouthed smiles, sweet coos and excited shrieks. This is the start of all of his first year milestones, the moments that fill me with the kind of happiness only a child can bring. It also leaves me quite nostalgic, so when people warn me not to do certain things that will spoil my baby (like having him nap on me), I do it anyway. Because it won’t always be like this. Not with this angel I waited so long for.

Shortly after Luca turned one I had an ectopic pregnancy. It’s not something I’ve shared with many people because I know how common miscarriages are and I know that there are women out there who have real struggles conceiving. But if I can be honest with you, that was a difficult time for me. I’ve never felt more panic and sadness than I did searching that ultrasound screen for a baby who was no longer there. And instead of allowing my body (and mind) the time it needed to heal, I put all of my energy into conceiving again. I’m not the most patient person, but more than anything I wanted to rid myself of the emptiness I felt. By the time I did get pregnant again, it felt like I had waited a lifetime. 

Every time I look at Julian, I am reminded of how important it is to have faith. Faith that your time will come and even if it doesn’t turn out the way you planned, there is something just as great waiting in the distance. Everything up to this point was more than worth it, because I can’t imagine what life would be like without this boy. 

Julian, you are everything to me. I love you.

xo N

life lately.

Life lately has been busy.  The good kind of busy.  The kind of busy that leaves you little time to reflect on just how you managed to survive such a grueling day.  I won’t lie, I am exhausted.  Between working full time, school and pregnancy, any second I have free you can bet I am napping.. somewhere.  I have such a great appreciation for the men and women who do this sort of thing and seem to do it effortlessly (and on a much greater scale!).  When I start to feel overwhelmed, these are the people I think of.  They keep me inspired.

Going back to school has done wonders for my spirit.  As intense as my schedule feels, I look forward to class.  After a long day of taking care of clients, staff and various projects, it feels good to know that my day will be ending in a place where I am taking care of myself.  A place where I am free to express, create and share in the best way I know how.  It’s scary, exciting  and liberating all at the same time. 

Up until recently, I’ve been extremely hard on myself for not going back to school sooner. I’m grateful for the things I’ve been able to accomplish in my career but I’ve never allowed myself to feel proud.  My focus has always been on what I haven’t done.  Only now am I realizing that I had to truly feel it to do it.  Something clicked in me.  Something stronger than anything I had felt in the past and here I am, finally going for it.  In the end, isn’t that all that matters?  That is what I hope to teach my babies, that it is never too late to go for it.  Especially when you feel it that deep in your soul.

xo N

pregnancy, the second time around.

This pregnancy has been harder, more painful and (by the way I am feeling these days), I suspect it’s going to be a lot bigger.  Seriously, how do three pounds of weight gain look and feel like thirty?!  I am almost sixteen weeks along and most days I wonder if I will make it to the end in one piece.  Sixteen weeks!  I used to joke that my next pregnancy would be a nightmare  because I had it so easy the first time and now it’s coming true!

In all seriousness though, it hasn’t been a nightmare.  Just noticeably different.  When people ask me how I am, I feel guilty complaining (even just a little) because I want this more than anything in the world and all the pain, nausea and fatigue is worth it.  It really is.

I was hoping, however, that people would stop offering their unsolicited advice this time around.  Because I already know how much having a baby can change your life.  But apparently I don’t know how having two can, specifically two under the age of two.  Why do people feel the need to tell me that, focusing only on the negative?  Obviously it’s going to be harder, but isn’t it worth it?  It’s kind of ridiculous right?  But these are the same people who ask me when I have the time to paint my nails, read books and straighten my hair.  I had a baby people, I didn’t die 😉

These little annoyances don’t make me love being pregnant any less though.  If anything pregnancy, with all of its stuff, reminds me just how incredible us women are, specifically our bodies.  I’m proud of my body for keeping up with the demands of carrying a baby and day-to-day-life.  I’m just really proud to be a woman.  We are amazing.

xo N 

things i’ve learnt this week / 06

I love my body more post baby.
I realize this may be a surprising statement to some 
but I have a feeling that there are many mothers out there
who share this same feeling.
I had never been more in tune with my body than during
 those precious nine months of pregnancy
{Side note: I loved being pregnant!}
The entire experience made me appreciate
 – among other things –
the gift of good health.
Since becoming a mother,
I’ve become more committed than ever to staying healthy.
 And while I’ve always made a conscious effort to eat healthy, 
 for the first time in years
I’ve successfully integrated exercise into my daily routine.
It’s quite a wonderful feeling to be able to
 fit comfortably back into your pre-pregnancy clothes
but at the end of the day,
it’s how I feel inside
that is making me the happiest of all.

Friends are meant to come and go in life.
It is always sad when you lose touch with a good friend.
For some reason or another distance has taken form –
sometimes it can be fueled by words, other times by silence.
Most of the time it’s as simple as
 two people embarking on different paths,
no longer sharing common ground.
Change is happening to each of us,
in different ways, every day.
And while it’s sad to grow apart from those once considered dear,
these shifts will almost always bring new friends into your life –
friends who are on a similar journey, 
friends that you can learn from and grow with.
Just as you did with the ones before them.
Because in the end,
 it’s not so much about how long a person was in your life for, 
but rather the impact they made while they were there.

xo N

dear baby.

Today is your due date, however, you are not here.  I guess it would be a little hypocritical for me to complain seeing as I struggle with being punctual myself.  I just can’t wait to meet you, that’s all.

In the meantime I will continue to organize our home for you (despite the fact there is nothing left to organize) and keep myself busy with “projects” I make up daily, which I’m sure drive your dad crazy, but he’s far too kind to say anything and humors me. {He’s really great like that}.

Patiently waiting for you little one..

Love, Mama.

space between.

Recently I’ve become a bit of an insomniac, a fact I have surprisingly embraced.  There is something about these nights, being alone with my thoughts, that I find comfort in. It takes me back to a time when I’d spend endless nights writing into the morning. I would always write next to a window and often still do.  It’s such an important thing to have isn’t it?  Space and time for yourself.

Of course these nights I’m not completely alone.  I am happily in the company of little baby kicks {ok, maybe not so little anymore}.  As much as I can’t wait to hold our little one I can’t help but already feel a bit of nostalgia for this time when it’s just the two of us. Nine months later, I still marvel at every movement.  That feeling never gets old.  It’s a feeling I want to stay with me forever.

xo N

things i’ve learnt this week / 03

A body pillow is essential during pregnancy.
As is a loving and attentive partner.
I’ve always appreciated how attentive my husband is but
 I don’t think I’ve been more grateful for him
 than during this pregnancy.
I’ve heard women many a time utter the words,
Men will never understand what a woman goes through.”
Ok.  Maybe not literally, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t
empathetic, patient and attentive to our needs.
Almost every day my husband tells me what a great job I’m doing
 carrying our baby and each time I remind him that
 his love and support plays equal parts in it  all.
I love you husband 🙂

Nothing brings me more joy 
than connecting with people.
I’ve always known this makes me happy,
I mean who doesn’t love the power of connection?
But I think as we get older and more mature
we tend to connect with people on a deeper level
which in turn, satisfies us in a deeper way.
It’s more than being content, it’s the joy of being understood.
It’s what I love most about writing –
the idea that someone, somewhere
is relating to you in some kind of way (and vice versa).
It’s a beautiful thing.

Like anything in life, maintaining a positive mind frame requires practice.
A comment I receive most about my blog is
 how positive the undertone is.
It has taken a significant amount of time to teach my mind
 to weed out the negative and focus on the positive.
 Our minds will never be perfect, we will have off days where 
 a particular thought will take over us for longer than we’d like.
The important thing to know is that we have the tools,
 within ourselves, to turn that around.
And eventually, with enough practice and reflection, 
we can start to see things as they really are –
not so bad after all.

Have a wonderful weekend friends.

xo Nadia